Posted in new, news, Uncategorized, women

Can we really trust Amazon Dash?

I’ve seen the future.

Wait.

I wrote that very phrase in the middle of March. About Lavanda. The cool English wash & fold-your-laundry-20 minutes-after-you-call service.  And I’m all about that.

But…

 

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Yesterday Jeff Bezos, bless his heart, shoved a different future down my virtual throat.

It’s called Amazon Dash.

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If selected to participate, you get some push buttons from Amazon, stick ’em where you want ’em, push ’em when you need it and BOOM. The product shows up at your house the next day, maybe even sooner according to the WSJ.

Like this:

Oh sure, looks like a cool shopping hack.

Think a little harder though and you get creeped out.

Apparently Amazon and popular products are edging closer to anticipating your every need.

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Follow this through with me:

Today you push a button.

Tomorrow you don’t need to push a button cuz Tide knows when you need it.

Next month Tide will likely tell you that you are doing it wrong.

Oh goody. Laundry detergent, toilet paper and dog food are the bosses of me.

Creepy, right?

The future?

Maybe.

Trust ’em?

Oh hell no.

 

 

 

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Posted in aging, new, news

The 1 thing that could change weekends forever

Lavanda. Cool name. Game changer.

I’ve just seen the promised land…and it’s all Downey fresh, Uberishly easy, quick, convenient, nice smelling and CLEAN!

Oh Lavanda, I can hear you calling.

 The startup operates on a simple premise: You hate doing laundry, and if it’s convenient enough, you’ll probably pay someone else to take it off their hands.

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Lavanda isn’t the first internet-based laundry service. The difference is that Lavanda is all about on-demand service. When you place a request, your laundry is picked up roughly 24 minutes later and returned within 24 hours, at the time of your choice.

Me: ummm, can you possibly come pick up my dirty towels, gym clothes, jeans and t-shirts?

Lavanda: gimme 24 minutes to get to your house and I’ll have them all back to you tomorrow. That work?

Me: ummm, OH. HELL. YEAH.

Lavanda is speedy AND customer-friendly. No special sorting of your laundry is required, extras like starch on shirt collars come free of charge, and they even hand-wash delicates that might not fare so well in the machine.

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What’s up with the name Lavanda? The founder aka smartest-man-in-the-universe explains that it’s a Latin word meaning “for the purpose of washing.”  Doesn’t hurt that lavender has always been used to refresh clothes.

In fact, Lavanda includes handmade bags of lavender with every order as a finishing touch.

lavender-bags

Is it possible to fall completely and totally in love with a start-up?

Tech Crunch points out that Lavanda is EVERYWHERE, like Twitter, LinkedIn, apps in the Apple and GooglePlay stores.

Lavanda is everywhere. Almost.

Everywhere but here.

Lavanda is London based and London only.

The Royals get all the luck.

Stateside the Lavanda compeition is called Washio.

Big diff tho.

Washio offers the “convenience “of scheduling pickup and delivery in advance.  Washio is over-estimating the so-called convenience factor.

Who needs one more thing to organize, remember and do in advance? The to-do list is already one giant pain in the tookus.

How much better would it be to look at the tall tower of laundry waiting for you on a Saturday morning and say “not today laundry, not today.”

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I have seen the future of my laundry.  And it looks a helluva lot like Lavanda.

 

Posted in DC, new, news, WaPo

Legalizing marijuana is good business. You had me at the munchies.

The District of Columbia legalized the use of marijuana last week.

Big news? No.

NEW news? No.

27 states have done virtually the same thing.

But this is news that makes bankers swoon.

images-2The bankers love the benjamins.

The make-marijuana-legal bill was approved by DC residents over the objections of the fed gov’t. When the legal smoke cleared (see what I did there?) it was followed THE NEXT DAY by DC’s first marijuana expo.

The. Next. Day.

Legal weed is good business.

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The inside-the-beltway marijuana expo was called “Cannabis Academy” and The Washington Post says it was perfectly timed.

Put your money where your bong is.

Best headline of the day?

“DC Pot Expo Less Cheech and Chong More Berkshire Hathaway”

Pop culture meets Wall Street Journal. You go WaPo.

Big doobies are big biz.

Wait. Does anybody under 70 even say “doobie”?

The point is that after legalizing marijuana, states be rollin in the dough.

Pot. Weed. Dope. Marijuana. Reefer madness it ain’t.

Not buyin’ it?

Jump back cuz the haze filled state of Colorado just finished a banner year with a new banner crop of marijuana. Reuters reports:

In its first annual report, the Colorado Department of Revenue’s Marijuana Enforcement Division said 109,578 pounds (49.7 tons) of medical marijuana flowers were sold in 2014, while 38,660 pounds (17.5 tons) were sold on the retail market.

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Big biz? Oh hell to the yeah.

The NY Times says;

Welcome to Big Tobacco 2.0. In the emerging marijuana industry, potent edibles in the form of colorfully packaged cookies, candies, sodas and brownies are being advertised on the Internet and in mainstream newspapers and magazines across the state.  

Someone somewhere said:

“I never thought I’d see more people invest in marijuana than smoke it.”

Maybe Warren Buffett was high.

Whatev.

Legalization has already started in most states tho sometimes it’s called  “decriminalization.” Call it what you want, analysts say marijuana prospects look promising. Financially.

So smoke ’em if you got ’em. Invest in it if you don’t

ICYMI:  to celebrate the DC pot legalization restaurant chain Cava Mezza offered free chicken at 4:20 and billed themselves as “the second best joint in town.”

Gotta give props where props are due and this gets a big ‘ol marketing tip of the hat.

Well played Cava. Well played.

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Posted in animals, cold, disney movies, elsa, frozen, Groundhog Day. groundhog, internet, Movies, new, news, WaPo

February was a bad month for Elsa from Frozen, Punxsatawney Phil & yoga pants

Feb has been stupid. Fabulously stupid. Stupid stupid.

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For a short month it packed in a whole lotta wacky.

First on the Feb dance card (BTW what the hell IS a dance card?) those fun loving law enforcement guys in South Carolina arrested an animated character because the weather has been so crappy.  This actually happened. Twice. In two different states. Because that never gets old.

According to USA Today

The Hanahan (S.C.) Police Department made the tongue-in-cheek arrest on Sunday. Her crime? Bringing a cold front into the Palmetto state and freezing a local fountain.

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“Hopefully Elsa will stay away, although it’s supposed to be cold tomorrow, so we may have to get her again,” police chief Mike Cochran told USA TODAY Network.

It wasn’t Elsa’s first brush with the law. A Kentucky police department had fun with the frigid temperatures last week, posting on Facebook that they were issuing an arrest warrant for the ice queen.

Okay then. WTF. February quite contrary.images-1

Nothing says “I’m over this weather” like weird jokey arrests by the folks paid to protect us, so an arrest warrant was ALSO issued for the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil.  According to ABC News

Police in New Hampshire have issued an “arrest warrant” for Punxsutawney Phil, citing his failure to disclose that six more weeks of winter “would consist of mountains of snow.”

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Merrimack police uploaded a humorous post to its Facebook page that it was issuing a “warrant” for Phil, the groundhog who saw his shadow last Monday and “forecasted” six more weeks of winter.

“We have received several complaints from the public that this little varmint is held up in a hole, warm and toasty,” reads the department’s post, which has received nearly 2,000 “likes” and has been shared more than 3,400 times.

And because “Feb roo air eee” wasn’t done with stupid, a groundhog day wanna-be named Jimmy got in the game too. According to WaPo:

Groundhog Day seems like a safe enough exercise. Creature emerges to see his shadow; winter is extended by six weeks. (Maybe.)

But Jimmy the Groundhog wasn’t going to make it simple for the people of Sun Prairie, Wis., this year, no sir. As Mayor Jonathan Freund leaned in to hear Jimmy “whisper” whether he had, in fact, seen his shadow, thus signaling another six weeks of winter, a terrible thing happened: Jimmy bit Freund’s ear.

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Not cool, Jimmy.

Not cool at all.

When the Washington Post says something is “not cool” it is waaaaay beyond “not cool.”

Enough yet February?  Cartoon characters and rodents arrested and attacking.

Done?

Oh hell no.

February wasn’t done yet.

Finally, the state of Montana wants to outlaw yoga pants. Are all of you people nuts?

Yoga. Pants.

In Montana.

Like life isn’t tough enough?

Oh February, stick a fork in it. puhlease.

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Posted in animals, internet, new, news, videos, women, youtube

The dress and llama drama just two latest to break the internet. What are the first two?

What is this “break the internet”? What does that even mean?

Hang tough for a sec.

First things first.

#thedress DID break the internet this morning.

CNBC reports this morning that:

A badly lit photograph of a $77 off-the-rack dress broke the Internet Friday, spawning arguments, memes and half-baked pseudo-scientific explanations over the viral frock’s real colors.

By some reckonings, Buzzfeed invented “viral,” but its deputy news director, Jon Passatino, appeared truly surprised by just how many clicks the dress generated. He tweeted that it broke the site’s traffic records, with more than 670,000 people viewing the post simultaneously at one point and garnering 16 million hits in six hours.

Neetzan Zimmerman, formerly an editor at another viral content machine, Gawker, and widely considered an expert in virality, tweeted that the dress is a “viral singularity.”

It appears to have started with a Tumblr post of the photo, headlined “what colors are this dress,” and spread from there as those who saw white-and-gold engaged in pitched battles with the blue-and-black camp.

So basically, the social-sphere aka viral singularity exploded in colorblind angst overnight.

Times a zillion.

In the event that you’ve been under a rock, while buried in a cave, located on top of a mountain and so you’ve missed it, here is the dress:

And then of course there was the internet breaking  #LlamaDrama that happened earlier yesterday when two therapy llamas made a run for it.

Therapy llamas?

That’s a thing now?

Apparently.  But the big thing is that the mom and youngster llamas were running around like crazy people:

The run-with-the-llama’s video could have gone bigger, but they were knocked out of greater internet breaking-ing-ness by #thedress.

WTF.

Really.

W.T.F. is happening?

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Suddenly everyone is talking about breaking the internet.  And the rise of Tumblr, instagram and our old friend Twitter makes it easier all of the time.

According to Time.com:

Google Chairman Eric Schmidt said in October that surveillance programs like the NSA are “going to end up breaking the Internet,” because foreign governments won’t trust the United States not to snoop on their online activities. And according to The Guardian, sharks could “break the Internet” by nibbling at underwater cables.

Those events might change internet. But in the context of viral media content, “breaking the Internet” means engineering one story to dominate Facebook and Twitter at the expense of more newsworthy things. (Like, for example, the fact that humans have landed a probe on a comet for a first time in history.) So perhaps a more accurate term would be “hijacking the Internet,” since really these stories seem to be manipulating online fervor rather than shutting the whole thing down.

Oh.

Hijacking the internet.

Kim Kardashian anyone?

This from November of 2014:

Kim Kardashian Paper Magazine

Sorry. We’d all like to un-see that one.

Broken internet or not.

On a much more wholesome note; a month earlier BuzzFeed said that:

In September Taylor Swift “broke the Internet” when she wore a T-shirt saying “no it’s Becky,” a super-meta reference to a Tumblr post where a user insisted that a picture of young Taylor was, in fact, someone named Becky.

"no its becky" is an iconic Tumblr post in the Taylor Swift fandom.

 

Which collectively lost its shit overnight when Taylor herself appeared in New York City WEARING A "NO ITS BECKY" TEE.

I have to get out more. Or stay in more. #Oneofthose.

Posted in aging, new, news, women

It’s true. Menopause CAN suck more. How is that even possible?

So, shocking news reports this week about why menopause seems endless.  Simply put, it is endless. Really menopause? Really?

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8 out of 10 middle-aged women already live through the holy hell that is hot flashes and night sweats. Imagine our delight that the “promised” short term of menopausal suffering is pretty much rainbows and unicorns.

The average is 7-ish years, which is plenty long. But docs now say that the euphemistically called “change” often lasts  much longer.

Like fourteen years.

Yeah. Fourteen. Years.

Who knew?  Oh. wait.

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This was news that grabbed the ever-fleeting nee menopausal attention of women over a certain age.  An age like oh, say, MINE.

The study, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association was based on seventeen years of data when researchers from Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, analyzed info from menopausal women. That must have been a fun job.

In a silver lining sorta way this is “told ya” confirmation for some of us. And by us, I mean those of us who have already been menopausal for over a decade. Nice to know that we aren’t actually as crazy as we seem.

Young women don’t kid your sweet young selves. Men count yourselves as lucky sons of guns. Before this news menopause already sucked. Everything about menopause sucked. Weight gain, loose jiggly skin, wild hormonal mood swings and memory loss. What’s not to love? For fourteen years.

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Some women are lucky enough to go through menopause quickly. But the study found something else. In an especially vicious twist of fate the women who start menopause early also go through menopause longer.

How women respond to the inevitability of menopause defines us. Some of us turn bitter. Others find a way to quietly soldier on.

IMHO, the best thing about menopause of any length means laughing at ourselves. It’s really just more time to embrace the sisterhood of middle-aged women who are unafraid to laugh at themselves.

Let’s jiggle our skin, spanx up our tummies, and have another glass of wine.

Hey, “the change”… I’m LMAO.

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Posted in internet, new, news

Mailing glitter. #Fail. Glitter wins!

Passive aggressive has reached new heights, or a new low. It depends.

And while the internet is all focused on glitter and frenemies…capitalism and youth collided too. Youth didn’t win.

This really happened.

Last week a company launched itself as the perfect way to get back at your enemies…by anonymously mailing them glitter.

Fiendishly clever. Give ’em kudos, cuz haters can’t deal with scooping up that colorful, unicorn-y, almost-impossible-to-remove sparkle.

glitter

Glitter is perfect for sending to an enemy. Or a frenemy. Diabolical.

The cleverly titled ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com billed itself as a service that would do, well, what the name says.

“We are a real service, we actually do send glitter to your enemies,” 

That’s what company founder Mathew Carpenter told The Washington Post when his company went viral.

REALLY viral.

Apparently anonymous mailing of glitter to enemies is huge. (Note to self, enemies love snail mail.)

Glitter is very small, flat, reflective particles that reflect light at different angles, causing the surface to sparkle or shimmer.  Glitter is like confetti or sequins only smaller. And better.

WaPo also elaborated in case ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com wasn’t clear enough.

Here’s how it works: Pay money to ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com and they’ll send glitter to those you hate. “We’ll also include a note telling the person exactly why they’re receiving this terrible gift,” the site explains. “Hint: The glitter will be mixed in with the note thus increasing maximum spillage.”

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Then, because frenemies and glitter really are a thing, the ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com site was immediately too successful.

Wow.

According to USA Today:

After receiving thousands of orders within the first day, Carpenter realized the error of his money-making attempt and froze the site, preventing any new orders from being placed. He then went to the site Product Hunt, where he first announced ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com, and posted: “Hi guys, I’m the founder of this website. Please stop buying this horrible glitter product – I’m sick of dealing with it. Sincerely, Mat.”

So 22-year-old Australian Mathew Carpenter offered to anonymously mail an envelope full of glitter to any address in the world for $9.99. But now he wants out – it’s just too damn glittery.

Yup.

In an e-mail response to questions from USA TODAY, Carpenter says his site has received in excess of 2,000 orders, which he described as

“way too many.” 

He added that he had “no idea” when he would reopen for orders and that at this reate he would be making glitter shipments for weeks.

Wait. What?  You offered to ship glitter to enemies and it instantly became too popular?  Ever heard of supply-chain economics? Poor poor you.

And even worse…did he say horrible glitter product? WTF dude?

Horrible glitter product? Glitter has been used decoratively since prehistoric times. And Mat (with one “t”) has clearly never been a pre-teen glitter lover.

Finally, yesterday Mat announced he is trying to sell the site and be rid of the mailable glittery product .

 

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What did he think would happen? 2000 orders is overwhelming? Really? C’mon Mat!

So Mat Carpenter loses. And glitter gets the W.

Glitter lovers know better. Their frenemies do too. A cottage industry of glitter-sending companies just popped up online:

  • actuallyshipyourenemiesglitter.com
  • shipyourenemieslove.com
  • glitteryourfrenemies.com.

Fabulous. Diabolical. Both. Yeah baby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I think people are spending too much money on something as stupid as shipping glitter,” he wrote.