Posted in animals, DC, news

1 thing the fed gov’t needs now: a few good border collies

I had a birthday last week and the world did not stop spinning. Life returned to normal. Perfectly oddly un-ironically normal.

The headline-making crisis in DC on Tuesday was a good example. The big news was, well, poop.

No. Seriously.

Actual poop.

Left by actual canadian geese on the National Mall.

Yahoo News courtesy of Reuters reported that:

Washington goose poop prompts officials maybe to let the dogs out  

Yeah okay so Reuters doesn’t get any points for good grammar in headline writing but the Washington Post does:

Geese-be-gone plan calls for dogs to rid National Mall of fowl that foul                                                                            

goose poop

Clever headline writing aside, who knew that those good looking ganders leave behind 2 – 3 pounds of poop every day?

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The National Park Service knows and they don’t like it. At. All.

Can’t blame ’em.

With income tax season looming most of us want our federal tax dollars doing a tiny bit more than pooper scooping.

OTOH, ain’t nobody a fan of that sh#@ all over the Reflecting Pool, Lincoln Memorial or Washington Monument. Literally.

The solution?  Use dogs to move the geese over to grassy areas that might benefit from more “fertilizer.” In other words, unleash the hounds. Or the herders.

 

border-collie

Yup, the federal gov’t wants to let the dogs out. On the National Mall. To get rid of the pesky pooping problem.

border collie with geese

See what I mean, just another day in DC.

The National Park Service has launched a new program that it calls “goose harassment services.”

Cue the Collies — the Park Service wants to use Border Collies to fix the goose problem.

As the owner of a certain Border Collie named Teddy, I wondered if he could be drafted into service. I’ve never seen him with a goose but promise him a treat and that guy will do damn near anything.

ted best

No worries Ted. Uncle Sam is looking for PROFESSIONAL Geese Herding Border Collies. All Border Collies are born and bred to be herders but this is not a job for rookies.

The Park Service says that dogs and handlers must have five years of experience with Canada Goose harassment in order to take part.

The Park Service’s goal is to have the dogs “herd and harass but not harm” the geese.  The border collies will just be forcing the geese into different grassier areas to do their business.

If only all govt problems could be solved so simply.

My dream for the reflecting pool this summer? The Florida girl in me just can’t help it:

 

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Posted in DC, new, news, WaPo

Legalizing marijuana is good business. You had me at the munchies.

The District of Columbia legalized the use of marijuana last week.

Big news? No.

NEW news? No.

27 states have done virtually the same thing.

But this is news that makes bankers swoon.

images-2The bankers love the benjamins.

The make-marijuana-legal bill was approved by DC residents over the objections of the fed gov’t. When the legal smoke cleared (see what I did there?) it was followed THE NEXT DAY by DC’s first marijuana expo.

The. Next. Day.

Legal weed is good business.

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The inside-the-beltway marijuana expo was called “Cannabis Academy” and The Washington Post says it was perfectly timed.

Put your money where your bong is.

Best headline of the day?

“DC Pot Expo Less Cheech and Chong More Berkshire Hathaway”

Pop culture meets Wall Street Journal. You go WaPo.

Big doobies are big biz.

Wait. Does anybody under 70 even say “doobie”?

The point is that after legalizing marijuana, states be rollin in the dough.

Pot. Weed. Dope. Marijuana. Reefer madness it ain’t.

Not buyin’ it?

Jump back cuz the haze filled state of Colorado just finished a banner year with a new banner crop of marijuana. Reuters reports:

In its first annual report, the Colorado Department of Revenue’s Marijuana Enforcement Division said 109,578 pounds (49.7 tons) of medical marijuana flowers were sold in 2014, while 38,660 pounds (17.5 tons) were sold on the retail market.

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Big biz? Oh hell to the yeah.

The NY Times says;

Welcome to Big Tobacco 2.0. In the emerging marijuana industry, potent edibles in the form of colorfully packaged cookies, candies, sodas and brownies are being advertised on the Internet and in mainstream newspapers and magazines across the state.  

Someone somewhere said:

“I never thought I’d see more people invest in marijuana than smoke it.”

Maybe Warren Buffett was high.

Whatev.

Legalization has already started in most states tho sometimes it’s called  “decriminalization.” Call it what you want, analysts say marijuana prospects look promising. Financially.

So smoke ’em if you got ’em. Invest in it if you don’t

ICYMI:  to celebrate the DC pot legalization restaurant chain Cava Mezza offered free chicken at 4:20 and billed themselves as “the second best joint in town.”

Gotta give props where props are due and this gets a big ‘ol marketing tip of the hat.

Well played Cava. Well played.

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Posted in animals, DC, internet, new, news, Uncategorized

Top trends in 2015. What’s in. What’s out. What in the hell does BAE mean?

2014 was the year that duck face (the weird pucker face that girls make for selfies) made it in,

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LOLcat (the plethora of funny cats online) became a thing

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and the word bae were all added to the dictionary.

You missed it? Bae? No worries. Bae is used as a term of endearment or to describe something as generally good or cool, as in “your ride is bae.”

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Okay, lots of people had to look bae up.

Trying not to fall hopelessly out of style is damn hard work.

Happily every year The Washington Post publishes a  list of what’s in and what’s out. You can read one list and staying hip doesn’t seem so hopeless. For now.

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Hipsters, Millenials, Gen Xers and Boomers take note though: Wapo’s 2015 list was in equal parts reassuring,  confusing and discomfiting.

Reassuring to know that these things are out:

  • Vaping
  • Matt Lauer
  • Cauliflower

Also good to know that:

  • hashtag activism is being replaced by t-shirt advocacy
  • you can say adios to “let it go” and start using Let. It. Go.
  • Breaking Bad and House of Cards binge watching have been replaced by binge listening to Serial podcasts.
  • Narratives are finally being usurped by Facts

Here’s where it gets confusing:

  • Lumbersexuals have been replaced by Urban Nomads
  • Office tiaras are giving way to Formalwear pasties
  • Hipster taxidermy is out. Unironic taxidermy is well, unironically in.

Ummm. K. Lumbersexuals? Office tiaras?

Basically if you nodded off at any point in 2014 you missed whole trends. In other words, hip can turn to sh*t in the blink of an eye. Wow. Total First World Problems.

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Note to self: thick-cushioned soles, conscious uncoupling, and orange wine are all hot new trends for 2015.  As soon as you figure out what any of that means.  Discomfiting? Like a boss.

 

 

Posted in DC, Uncategorized

it’s called “winning” and it’s all good DC

Everybody loves a winner. Being number one. Best EVER. So topping a list is right up there. It’s like winning. Winner winner chicken dinner.  

Our nation’s capitol made it on to a lotta lists last week. Kind of like winning. Except when winning is more like, well, like losing.

WTF?

Take a look at the lists making news:

  • women freezing their eggs
  • crowd sourcing
  • commute times

How freakin’ random is that?

Nobody, no BODY loves winning more than the ever-over-achieving, tightly wound, uber competitive Washingtonians.  Just ask ’em. They LOVE that winning thing. A lot.

After Facebook and Apple announced they will cover the cost of egg freezing for their employees, news broke that women in DC lead the country in postponing the whole maternity thing by freezing their eggs. Working moms will take the win on this one.

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And for the group think wonky crowd, DC has more crowd sourcing success than anyone in the country. Good news for good ideas that need a bigger bankroll.

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woo woo! Good so far, right?

But the wheels started coming off when Maryland, Virginia and The District of Coumbia all made the list of top seven worst states for commuting.

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So making the list isn’t always a win.

It was just last week that DC made the list of top five in cities with the most rats and (in a hotly contested race) also topped the most expensive city in the country.

We live in a world of Buzz Feed fueled lists and everybody wants to make one. Sort of. But hey DC, step away from the list love, not all lists are created equal. Winner winner tofu dinner.

 

 

 

Posted in DC

why the worlds worst creatures are on the rise right now

Tis the season…

Thinking football, Halloween or turkey day?

You ain’t heard nothin’ yet. News out today that this is RAT season.

Wait. What? Rats have a season?

Yup and apparently this is it.

Rats. Eke. Yuck. Ugh.

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Skin crawling news  from those fun-loving guys at Orkin Pest Control:

“Fall is a prime time for commensal rodents to actively seek food, water and shelter when temperatures drop and before the winter weather arrives. Each fall, rats and mice invade an estimated 21 million American homes. It only takes a hole the size of a quarter for a rat to squeeze inside, and a hole the size of a dime for mice.”

This image must not be reproduced without permission.



Commensal? There’s a word you can use at work tomorrow:

The word commensal is used to describe rodents that are generally found living in close associations with humans and very often dependent upon human habitat for the essential elements of food, water, shelter and space. The rodent species are the house mouse (Mus musculus), Norway rats (Rattus norvegicus) and roof rats (Rattus rattus). None of these three species are native to the United States; they are Old World species and were brought to this country on European ships in the 17th and 18th centuries.

Thank you SO much Europe! And the rat-infested hits just keep on comin’, some cities including mine have more than their fair share of the disgusting critters. Here’s a list of cities where the rats are most prevalent:

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Oh and BTW: if you are headed to the kitchen for a snack STOP!

Rodents eat between 15 and 20 times a day, so nearly 40 percent of homeowners saw rodents for the first time in kitchens.

God, I really hate this story and have already creeped myself out researching it. I’ve discovered that apparently one out of three Americans has already seen a rat in their home.

Ewwwww.

I’m not one of them, and if I do you can bet your a$$ I’ll be moving!