Posted in animals, DC, news

1 thing the fed gov’t needs now: a few good border collies

I had a birthday last week and the world did not stop spinning. Life returned to normal. Perfectly oddly un-ironically normal.

The headline-making crisis in DC on Tuesday was a good example. The big news was, well, poop.

No. Seriously.

Actual poop.

Left by actual canadian geese on the National Mall.

Yahoo News courtesy of Reuters reported that:

Washington goose poop prompts officials maybe to let the dogs out  

Yeah okay so Reuters doesn’t get any points for good grammar in headline writing but the Washington Post does:

Geese-be-gone plan calls for dogs to rid National Mall of fowl that foul                                                                            

goose poop

Clever headline writing aside, who knew that those good looking ganders leave behind 2 – 3 pounds of poop every day?

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The National Park Service knows and they don’t like it. At. All.

Can’t blame ’em.

With income tax season looming most of us want our federal tax dollars doing a tiny bit more than pooper scooping.

OTOH, ain’t nobody a fan of that sh#@ all over the Reflecting Pool, Lincoln Memorial or Washington Monument. Literally.

The solution?  Use dogs to move the geese over to grassy areas that might benefit from more “fertilizer.” In other words, unleash the hounds. Or the herders.

 

border-collie

Yup, the federal gov’t wants to let the dogs out. On the National Mall. To get rid of the pesky pooping problem.

border collie with geese

See what I mean, just another day in DC.

The National Park Service has launched a new program that it calls “goose harassment services.”

Cue the Collies — the Park Service wants to use Border Collies to fix the goose problem.

As the owner of a certain Border Collie named Teddy, I wondered if he could be drafted into service. I’ve never seen him with a goose but promise him a treat and that guy will do damn near anything.

ted best

No worries Ted. Uncle Sam is looking for PROFESSIONAL Geese Herding Border Collies. All Border Collies are born and bred to be herders but this is not a job for rookies.

The Park Service says that dogs and handlers must have five years of experience with Canada Goose harassment in order to take part.

The Park Service’s goal is to have the dogs “herd and harass but not harm” the geese.  The border collies will just be forcing the geese into different grassier areas to do their business.

If only all govt problems could be solved so simply.

My dream for the reflecting pool this summer? The Florida girl in me just can’t help it:

 

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Posted in animals, cold, disney movies, elsa, frozen, Groundhog Day. groundhog, internet, Movies, new, news, WaPo

February was a bad month for Elsa from Frozen, Punxsatawney Phil & yoga pants

Feb has been stupid. Fabulously stupid. Stupid stupid.

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For a short month it packed in a whole lotta wacky.

First on the Feb dance card (BTW what the hell IS a dance card?) those fun loving law enforcement guys in South Carolina arrested an animated character because the weather has been so crappy.  This actually happened. Twice. In two different states. Because that never gets old.

According to USA Today

The Hanahan (S.C.) Police Department made the tongue-in-cheek arrest on Sunday. Her crime? Bringing a cold front into the Palmetto state and freezing a local fountain.

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“Hopefully Elsa will stay away, although it’s supposed to be cold tomorrow, so we may have to get her again,” police chief Mike Cochran told USA TODAY Network.

It wasn’t Elsa’s first brush with the law. A Kentucky police department had fun with the frigid temperatures last week, posting on Facebook that they were issuing an arrest warrant for the ice queen.

Okay then. WTF. February quite contrary.images-1

Nothing says “I’m over this weather” like weird jokey arrests by the folks paid to protect us, so an arrest warrant was ALSO issued for the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil.  According to ABC News

Police in New Hampshire have issued an “arrest warrant” for Punxsutawney Phil, citing his failure to disclose that six more weeks of winter “would consist of mountains of snow.”

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Merrimack police uploaded a humorous post to its Facebook page that it was issuing a “warrant” for Phil, the groundhog who saw his shadow last Monday and “forecasted” six more weeks of winter.

“We have received several complaints from the public that this little varmint is held up in a hole, warm and toasty,” reads the department’s post, which has received nearly 2,000 “likes” and has been shared more than 3,400 times.

And because “Feb roo air eee” wasn’t done with stupid, a groundhog day wanna-be named Jimmy got in the game too. According to WaPo:

Groundhog Day seems like a safe enough exercise. Creature emerges to see his shadow; winter is extended by six weeks. (Maybe.)

But Jimmy the Groundhog wasn’t going to make it simple for the people of Sun Prairie, Wis., this year, no sir. As Mayor Jonathan Freund leaned in to hear Jimmy “whisper” whether he had, in fact, seen his shadow, thus signaling another six weeks of winter, a terrible thing happened: Jimmy bit Freund’s ear.

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Not cool, Jimmy.

Not cool at all.

When the Washington Post says something is “not cool” it is waaaaay beyond “not cool.”

Enough yet February?  Cartoon characters and rodents arrested and attacking.

Done?

Oh hell no.

February wasn’t done yet.

Finally, the state of Montana wants to outlaw yoga pants. Are all of you people nuts?

Yoga. Pants.

In Montana.

Like life isn’t tough enough?

Oh February, stick a fork in it. puhlease.

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Posted in animals, internet, new, news, videos, women, youtube

The dress and llama drama just two latest to break the internet. What are the first two?

What is this “break the internet”? What does that even mean?

Hang tough for a sec.

First things first.

#thedress DID break the internet this morning.

CNBC reports this morning that:

A badly lit photograph of a $77 off-the-rack dress broke the Internet Friday, spawning arguments, memes and half-baked pseudo-scientific explanations over the viral frock’s real colors.

By some reckonings, Buzzfeed invented “viral,” but its deputy news director, Jon Passatino, appeared truly surprised by just how many clicks the dress generated. He tweeted that it broke the site’s traffic records, with more than 670,000 people viewing the post simultaneously at one point and garnering 16 million hits in six hours.

Neetzan Zimmerman, formerly an editor at another viral content machine, Gawker, and widely considered an expert in virality, tweeted that the dress is a “viral singularity.”

It appears to have started with a Tumblr post of the photo, headlined “what colors are this dress,” and spread from there as those who saw white-and-gold engaged in pitched battles with the blue-and-black camp.

So basically, the social-sphere aka viral singularity exploded in colorblind angst overnight.

Times a zillion.

In the event that you’ve been under a rock, while buried in a cave, located on top of a mountain and so you’ve missed it, here is the dress:

And then of course there was the internet breaking  #LlamaDrama that happened earlier yesterday when two therapy llamas made a run for it.

Therapy llamas?

That’s a thing now?

Apparently.  But the big thing is that the mom and youngster llamas were running around like crazy people:

The run-with-the-llama’s video could have gone bigger, but they were knocked out of greater internet breaking-ing-ness by #thedress.

WTF.

Really.

W.T.F. is happening?

Image result for break the internet meme

Suddenly everyone is talking about breaking the internet.  And the rise of Tumblr, instagram and our old friend Twitter makes it easier all of the time.

According to Time.com:

Google Chairman Eric Schmidt said in October that surveillance programs like the NSA are “going to end up breaking the Internet,” because foreign governments won’t trust the United States not to snoop on their online activities. And according to The Guardian, sharks could “break the Internet” by nibbling at underwater cables.

Those events might change internet. But in the context of viral media content, “breaking the Internet” means engineering one story to dominate Facebook and Twitter at the expense of more newsworthy things. (Like, for example, the fact that humans have landed a probe on a comet for a first time in history.) So perhaps a more accurate term would be “hijacking the Internet,” since really these stories seem to be manipulating online fervor rather than shutting the whole thing down.

Oh.

Hijacking the internet.

Kim Kardashian anyone?

This from November of 2014:

Kim Kardashian Paper Magazine

Sorry. We’d all like to un-see that one.

Broken internet or not.

On a much more wholesome note; a month earlier BuzzFeed said that:

In September Taylor Swift “broke the Internet” when she wore a T-shirt saying “no it’s Becky,” a super-meta reference to a Tumblr post where a user insisted that a picture of young Taylor was, in fact, someone named Becky.

"no its becky" is an iconic Tumblr post in the Taylor Swift fandom.

 

Which collectively lost its shit overnight when Taylor herself appeared in New York City WEARING A "NO ITS BECKY" TEE.

I have to get out more. Or stay in more. #Oneofthose.

Posted in animals, DC, internet, new, news, Uncategorized

Top trends in 2015. What’s in. What’s out. What in the hell does BAE mean?

2014 was the year that duck face (the weird pucker face that girls make for selfies) made it in,

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LOLcat (the plethora of funny cats online) became a thing

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and the word bae were all added to the dictionary.

You missed it? Bae? No worries. Bae is used as a term of endearment or to describe something as generally good or cool, as in “your ride is bae.”

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Okay, lots of people had to look bae up.

Trying not to fall hopelessly out of style is damn hard work.

Happily every year The Washington Post publishes a  list of what’s in and what’s out. You can read one list and staying hip doesn’t seem so hopeless. For now.

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Hipsters, Millenials, Gen Xers and Boomers take note though: Wapo’s 2015 list was in equal parts reassuring,  confusing and discomfiting.

Reassuring to know that these things are out:

  • Vaping
  • Matt Lauer
  • Cauliflower

Also good to know that:

  • hashtag activism is being replaced by t-shirt advocacy
  • you can say adios to “let it go” and start using Let. It. Go.
  • Breaking Bad and House of Cards binge watching have been replaced by binge listening to Serial podcasts.
  • Narratives are finally being usurped by Facts

Here’s where it gets confusing:

  • Lumbersexuals have been replaced by Urban Nomads
  • Office tiaras are giving way to Formalwear pasties
  • Hipster taxidermy is out. Unironic taxidermy is well, unironically in.

Ummm. K. Lumbersexuals? Office tiaras?

Basically if you nodded off at any point in 2014 you missed whole trends. In other words, hip can turn to sh*t in the blink of an eye. Wow. Total First World Problems.

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Note to self: thick-cushioned soles, conscious uncoupling, and orange wine are all hot new trends for 2015.  As soon as you figure out what any of that means.  Discomfiting? Like a boss.

 

 

Posted in animals, news, PETA, Uncategorized

Tatted up terriers and pierced pugs? C’mon people, really? Just say no to piercing & tattooing pets!

New York state just banned piercings and tattoos on pets.

No, not the “how-to ID my-pet-if-he/she-goes-missing” kinda tattoos.

NY state just outlawed the “I think my dog would look super cool with a pierced nose ring or a flower tattoo” tattoos.

The people who do this weird-ass thing call them decorative pet tattoos and piercings.

Yeah, it’s a thing.

pierced pug

Wow, missed that loop completely.

According to Reuters yesterday –

New York is banning pet tattoos and piercing under a state law aimed at curbing the trendy practice of inking or even maiming animals to make fashion statements.

pet-ink-240kgs101310

Trendy?

Body art like tattoos and piercings on pet animals?

Fashion statements?

Cough*stupid* cough. Just pass the scooby snacks and walk away. If common sense doesn’t prevail, or animal cruelty doesn’t come to mind when taking Fido in for a tat, maybe a $250 fine or a little time jail time will do the trick.

tattoo poodle

 

The law does make exceptions for markings made for identification or medical reasons, but to keep the wackiness to a minimum which is apparently now necessary, those exceptions only include preapproved letters and numbers. Even those funky hairless cats are hatin’ on this dopey trend.

 

tatoo cat

Posted in animals, Movies, news, religion

The Pope says all dogs go to heaven. Really. Okay, maybe.

Tired of walking behind your doggie with that stupid little plastic bag? How ‘bout walking behind a dog with that damned plastic bag for the rest of eternity?  Ummm, wtf?

News out on Friday that according to Pope Francis, dogs will be waiting for their best friends inside the pearly gates.

Or not.

Heavenly dog doody duty? Too soon.

The Pontiff didn’t actually say that dogs go to heaven, it was just sorta kinda implied.

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The real deets:

While comforting a child who’s beloved dog had just died Pope Francis consoled him with the fact that the boy would be seeing the animal again.

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Animal lovers rejoiced! Cuz right this minute there are 525 million dogs in the world.

That’s like a million zillion dog lovers world-wide. Pretty sure that every one of them was thrilled to hear that their four legged bestie would be waiting for them on the other side.

all dogs go to heaven

But even news for dog lovers doesn’t go undebated, because well, tis the season.

Media reports say:

While the declaration from the controversial pontiff might have brought consolation and relief to animal-loving Catholics who have mourned the loss of a pet, it probably caused Church conservatives more hand-wringing over their fears about their pope’s escalating “liberalism.”

Yawn with a rawhide bone and a tummy rub.

This is not exactly official Vatican speak. More like tempest in a teakettle, Catholic style.

Theologian Charles Camosy told the NYTimes that Francis’ pastoral language isn’t really meant to be dissected by academics,

“If the pope were to speak directly to a young boy in the hopes of comforting him, his statements would need to be seen for what they are.”

Bottom line? If you want Fido to meet you heaven then you just keep on believing.

As for cats making it to the big litter box in the sky? Oh hell no. That’s just crazy talk.

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Posted in animals, new, news, travel

Pig on a Plane…not so much. Emotional Support Pig too unruly to fly.

Before the tryptophan could kick in, most Americans were already giving thanks that they were sitting down to turkey dinner and not on an airplane. With a pig.

Cough*better with bacon*cough.

Yeah. A select few Americans had been aboard a flight out of Hartford’s Bradley Aiport when a female passenger boarded with her pig.

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The pig was her Emotional Support Animal.

The pig was also 70 pounds, running amok, squealing and pooping in the airplane aisle. There are so many things wrong with that sentence.

Facebook, Twitter and the late night comedians are ready with the requisite and well-deserved jokes.

Both passenger and pig were removed from their plane because the service pig was “unruly.” USA Today reported that:

A US Airways crew ordered a disruptive pig off a plane this week, The passenger and her pig left the flight after crew members decided the animal had to leave because of its disorderly behavior, Laura Masvidal, a spokeswoman for US Airways-parent American Airlines.

Wait. What?

Yes, support animals provide tremendous and well documented help to their owners. Support animals are the heroes of the animal kingdom. Adorbs, right?

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Service animals are typically dogs.

Sometimes cats.

The occasional monkey.

But a pig?

Turns out that ANY animal can be an emotional support animal. Horses, ferrets, snakes, pigs, probably cows too.

Good to know. Here’s a little background foabout this head scratcher:

Emotional Support Animals help individuals with anxiety or depression by providing comfort and support. Any animal can be an Emotional Support Animal. Federal law does not require these animals to have any specific training and you do not have to be disabled to have an Emotional Support Animal.

If the female flyer needed emotional support – more power to her. But her porky pal obviously wasn’t up to the task.

The animal should have good social skills if taken in public places. 

More importantly, this is just rude.

Rude. Rude. Rude.

WHO TAKES A PIG ON A PLANE?????  

Can you imagine having a seat mate board with A PIG?

Donkeys flying makes more sense. Snakes on planes have never sounded so good.