I had a birthday last week and the world did not stop spinning. Life returned to normal. Perfectly oddly un-ironically normal.
The headline-making crisis in DC on Tuesday was a good example. The big news was, well, poop.
Left by actual canadian geese on the National Mall.
Yahoo News courtesy of Reuters reported that:
Washington goose poop prompts officials maybe to let the dogs out
Geese-be-gone plan calls for dogs to rid National Mall of fowl that foul
Clever headline writing aside, who knew that those good looking ganders leave behind 2 – 3 pounds of poop every day?
The National Park Service knows and they don’t like it. At. All.
Can’t blame ’em.
With income tax season looming most of us want our federal tax dollars doing a tiny bit more than pooper scooping.
OTOH, ain’t nobody a fan of that sh#@ all over the Reflecting Pool, Lincoln Memorial or Washington Monument. Literally.
The solution? Use dogs to move the geese over to grassy areas that might benefit from more “fertilizer.” In other words, unleash the hounds. Or the herders.
Yup, the federal gov’t wants to let the dogs out. On the National Mall. To get rid of the pesky pooping problem.
See what I mean, just another day in DC.
The National Park Service has launched a new program that it calls “goose harassment services.”
Cue the Collies — the Park Service wants to use Border Collies to fix the goose problem.
As the owner of a certain Border Collie named Teddy, I wondered if he could be drafted into service. I’ve never seen him with a goose but promise him a treat and that guy will do damn near anything.
No worries Ted. Uncle Sam is looking for PROFESSIONAL Geese Herding Border Collies. All Border Collies are born and bred to be herders but this is not a job for rookies.
The Park Service says that dogs and handlers must have five years of experience with Canada Goose harassment in order to take part.
The Park Service’s goal is to have the dogs “herd and harass but not harm” the geese. The border collies will just be forcing the geese into different grassier areas to do their business.
If only all govt problems could be solved so simply.
My dream for the reflecting pool this summer? The Florida girl in me just can’t help it: